SAP as in sap, not as in the button you push on your remote to switch languages on your television program. SAP button as in Man, sometimes I wish I could just switch off the sentimental streak in me. It’s not just sentimental. No, it’s maudlin, melancholy, mopey, and maudlin. (Yes, maudlin twice.) I wrote a letter a couple of days ago to Charlie Chaplin. (It’s not hard to find since there are only three previous posts…)
It’s the ending of the letter that seals my legacy:
P.S. Charlie, I probably don’t need to tell you this, but we all know that the kid you rescued at the end of The Kid was you. What you might not know is that the kid was me, too. Thank you.
Timothy. Now. Really? How did he rescue you? Did he rush into a burning building and scoop up your lifeless form as the timbers of the structure crashed all around, rush you outside, perform CPR, and bring you back from the grave?
TIMOTHY CALDWELL: No, nothing that dramatic. Okay, so I tend toward the dramatic…er, melodramatic. Um, okay! I know, I could write for a soap opera.
UNSENTIMENTAL TIM: That is certainly one way of putting it.
TC: Listen, I am very aware that I am a sap. I don’t see any reason, at this stage in my life, to denegrate myself for a tendency that has been with me since I can recall anything. And I have a lot of memory. One might say I have too much memory.
UT: Too much memory. Do you mean too much capacity, or that you have too many memories to contend with?
TC: Too many memories. I worry sometimes that this is all I am, a man full of memories with little room for new ones. I know this is not true, because just this past year has found me cramming a lot onto the hard drive–
UT: You stopped.
TC: It’s probably that I have what I feel are too many regrets and can’t get past them.
UT: That can be a problem, Timothy.
TC: Tell me about it.
UT: Okay. That’s a problem. Maybe it’s time you started dealing with that. Maybe it’s time you start dealing–period.
TC: That has crossed my mind.
UT: For starters–
TC: Listen, I’d like to continue this, but I have to go to the laundromat to get my clothes out of the dryer. Can we talk things over another time?
UT: Sure. Skip out when we get down to the bone.
TC: Hey, you know as well as I that this is not evasion. Why do you have to be such a jerk sometimes?
UT: Honestly, for the same reason you feel you have too much memory. Regrets, babe. Impatience. Perfectionism. La la la.
TC: Jeez, you are tiresome.
TC: This isn’t over.
UT: It is for now. Go get your socks.
…continued in SAP Button Part 2